


Roasty Toasty

by Rae_of_Weeb



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/M, Forgive Me, Humor, I'm literally crying from this, Memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:56:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14881058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rae_of_Weeb/pseuds/Rae_of_Weeb
Summary: After a hard week, Jeff gets his revenge as Roasty Toasty. Such crack. Very meme.( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)





	Roasty Toasty

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I wrote this. This is literally pure trash. Somehow I cried from laughing while making this.

Life as a young boy at the ripe age 12 and a third was normally hard enough, but Jeff had an even more difficult time than most young boys. He already had learned not to be bothered by the dimwits surrounding him and often found solace in watching shows such as Richard and Mortimer, especially after being rejected by girls who just couldn't handle his dashing charm whenever he used his seductive asterisk speech, yet it continued to be horrid living in a world where everyone else is inferior to oneself.

However, Jeff was very strong and continued on his path to greatness. Even when crippling depression hit his angsty self, he was able to rick roll himself out to avoid it. However, today was the day that he ended up caving in, no longer being able to dab on the haters like he once had.

April 20th had started off as a normal day. Wake up, brush hair, comb teeth, get dressed, and make a quick breakfast of toast to eat while on the way out- nothing unusual. The only thing different about today was that he decided to finally wear his new shoes. They were cool. He was cool  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). After arriving at school, his peaceful existence was soon interrupted. Screams of “damnnn DANIEL” were all Jeff could hear. Quickly tiring of this nonsense he classily replied “My name is Jef,” which only resulted in more laughter. Confused, Jeff just continued on his way to class.Class was as boring and inferior to him as usual when lunchtime arrived. Jeff was looking forward to getting some tendies, his favorite food. However, upon arriving at the lunch line, all Jeff could see was pineapple pizza. Reeeeeeeing to display his displeasure, Jeff sadly ate the spaghetti in his pockets. Today was definitely not a good day for him. The last straw came at home while playing Call of Duty. After his team lost, even after he had his first successful kill in the game, Jeff was upset. He quietly screamed in the chat until the_LEGEND_27 pmed him “Ur mom gay.” That was it.

“Roasty Toasty, I am Hawkmoth. It is unfair that even though you are superior to everyone, no one treats you that way. I am giving you the power to have all of your insults to come true in exchange for giving me Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculous.”

Roasty Toasty smirked, power coursing through his veins as he began to think of the best insults he could at everyone on the street.

Looking at a baby being pushed by a young mom, he knew immediately how to strike.

“Yo momma is so fat that her shadow leaves a footprint,” he proudly said, remembering Buzzfeed’s “19 Fantastic "Your Momma" Jokes To Make You Feel Like An Eleven-Year-Old Again.” He had memorized the whole list when he was just 10 years old. 

All at once the poor woman grew in size, becoming so large that the Earth quietly trembled for a second, only encouraging the 12 year old. Looking at random civilians, Roasty Toasty started a barrage of yo mama jokes, leading to a lot of very confused citizens.

“Yo momma is so poor she can't even pay attention.”

“Yo momma is so ugly that, when she was born, the doctor threw her to the wolves- and the wolves threw her back.”

“Yo momma is so old that she knew Burger King when he was a prince.”

Fortunately, soon both Adrien and Marinette had noticed the effects of the akuma. However, by the time the crime fighting duo ran into Roasty Toasty, Jeff had already ran out of recycled and bad yo mama jokes and had started his own creative jokes.

“Hey Chat. Let’s just observe him before we bounce in.”

“Right, my Lady ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°),” Chat said while tipping his fedora.

Screaming out, Roasty Toasty squeaked “Your fingers are so long that they look like fidget spinners.” A young man suddenly screamed out in terror as his fingers all turned into fidget spinners.

“Oh my god,” cried out Ladybug, cringing in disgust.

“They’re not just fidget spinners, they’re now digit spinners,” exclaimed Chat while crying with laughter. This was by far his favorite akuma. What a glorious day this was.

“I have the power of God and anime and my side. Nothing can stop me!” exclaimed the Akuma.

“Oh shit waddup, I knew you were trouble when I walked in, but now that’s going way to far,” said Chat as he decided to confront the akuma before any more civilians were permanently traumatized.

“NO SWEARING ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER,” shouted back Roasty Toasty as he flung his unicycle and roblox shirt at Chat.

“I think I know where his akuma is. It’s gotta be in his shoes, there’s no way that even Hawkmoth could make them,” shouted Ladybug, shocked by the horrible design. They looked like they were taken off a homeless person who lived in a sewer. Probably Gucci brand shoes.

“I don’t think I can get to them. They may not be fly but they can fly.”

Offend, Roasty shouted “Don’t insult my fly boyz. Your costume is so ugly that it has a part time job at a haunted house.” Chat Noir was left only wearing his mask and a random Logan Paul t-shirt and pants.

Without missing a beat, thirty seven teen-aged girls shouted “Logang forever (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)” and swarmed Chat. In the same instance, Chat Noir started up his secret transformation that Master Fu wasn’t even aware of.

“Nico. Nico. NIIIIIII” Chat shouted as he transformed into Trap Noir. In his place was a kawaii anime girl with the powers of love and friendship on his side.

Seeing this, Roasty Toasty could only laugh. Chat-kun had forgotten that he was not the one with the power of God and anime on his side.

“Omae wa mou shindeiru,” proudly declared Jef.

“Nani?” was the only reply Chat could leave before Roasty Toasty stripped him of his powers but not before his love of Ladybug and plot armor left him back in his normal Chat transformation.

Seeing this, Ladybug finally decided to use her lucky charm. The only thing in it was a picture of a doggo. However, Marinette’s time on 9gag payed off as she immediately knew what to do.

“He protec. He attac. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY!”

“HE ROAST BACK!” screamed Chat, now understanding what to do. “r/RoastMe boi.”

“Your powers should called the Power of 0 since all they do is get you back to square one. You’re a sidekick since all you did is get kicked in the side while Ladybug does all the work. Your puns are so bad that you make Ladybug a Ladybugged. Your hair is so golden that you’re under arrest for fraud. The most useful thing you can do with your baton is get bat on the head.”

After 10 more and somehow successively even cringier roasts, Roasty Toasty couldn’t hold it in and started laughing so hard from his own jokes that he fell on the ground. Twice. When he finished laughing he turned to Chat Noir, ready to see the transformation he would undergo. However, he was merely greeted by the smuggest and simultaneously saddest grin he had ever seen.

“No u.”

And that was the end of his reign as an akuma. He was defeated as quickly as the hopes and dreams of our generation. And also as quickly as half of y’all either scrolled pass or quit reading this fanfiction.

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. The buzzfeed article is real if you want to check it out:  
> https://www.buzzfeed.com/mlew15/19-fantastic-your-momma-jokes-to-make-you-feel-l-h0se?utm_term=.wl80lbyvK#.qpWxb5mGz


End file.
